When I was in high school, my football team was preparing for a big game, and practiced in the safety of light pads, against the freshman team, so that no one would get hurt. In my absent-minded slumber, a smaller, slower player managed to race past me and score when he never should have. My defensive coach let me know, in words I cannot publish here, what he thought of my unacceptable inattention.
What made this worse was his clearly misogynistic attack on me: you play like a cheerleader, so go over and practice with them! I thought he was kidding, so I hesitated before he yelled louder for me to join them. So I did. Imagine my embarrassment, as I stood next to the cheerleaders and teammates looked on, either laughing or stunned, or both.
I’m not saying I want kids to have to face that level of embarrassment, but I wish back then that I had the advice that I get to teach children, and teachers who teach them today:
The ability to be successful at anything is possible when you embrace the willingness to be embarrassed…
To this day, the memory of that practice is seared into my head. Yet through research and experience as an educator, I have learned how to teach others to embrace embarrassing moments like these, which can become their superpower.
Walk the hallways of my school, any school for that matter, and you quickly recognize the powerful, invisible current that dictates much of student behavior: the intense desire to avoid looking foolish. This, unfortunately, is a limiting behavior that restricts growth and positive outcomes. Scientists call this the spotlight effect, in which individuals believe others are paying significantly more attention to their flaws or actions than they actually are. What’s worse is that this fear is often mistaken for other reasons, such as apathy.
Consider that teachers may confuse a lack of participation or reluctance to try new things with apathy. In reality, it is frequently a self-preservation tactic. For young people, social capital is paramount, and the fear of a red face, a wrong answer, or a collective giggle is enough to paralyze potential. However, if we want to develop genuinely resilient learners, we must shift the narrative in our classrooms and schools. We must help students recognize a fundamental truth of human development: the ability to succeed at anything requires absolute acceptance, even celebration, of those embarrassing moments along the path to growth and achievement.
The missing link in persistence
How often do students hear about “grit” and “persistence,” which are often framed as the ability to push through difficult academic material or put in long hours of work? But cognitive endurance is only part of the equation. Emotional persistence—the capacity to bounce back from a moment of public vulnerability—is the rest.
When a student refuses to put themselves in a position where they could be embarrassed, they place an impediment on their growth. They stop asking clarifying questions, avoid challenging electives, and stay on the periphery of their potential. By contrast, when students accept that feeling awkward is merely a temporary toll on the road to achievement, they develop a profound internal locus of control. They realize that their reaction to a misstep dictates their future success far more than the misstep itself. Over time, the compounding effect of these small, daily risks creates a massive advantage in both academic and personal growth.
Creating the infrastructure for psychological safety
We cannot simply tell students to “be brave” without first crafting an environment where it is safe to stumble. For many students — particularly those navigating anxiety or carrying trauma — embarrassment does not just feel uncomfortable; it feels traumatic, even threatening.
Building a culture that celebrates the willingness to be embarrassed requires intentional leadership and strategies implemented daily in the classroom:
- Model the “Stumble”: The most effective way to normalize embarrassment is for adults to model it. When teachers and administrators openly acknowledge their own mistakes with a smile and a shrug, it lowers the temperature in the room. It signals to students that perfection is not the baseline expectation; growth is.
- Praise the “Rough Draft” of Thinking: We need to move away from exclusively rewarding the polished, final answer. By actively praising a student’s willingness to work through a problem out loud — even if they hit a dead end — we validate the messy, often embarrassing process of real-time learning.
- Reframe the Post-Mistake Narrative: When a student experiences an embarrassing moment, how the adults in the room respond matters BIG-ly. Defusing the tension with grace, swiftly redirecting the class’s attention, and privately reinforcing the student’s courage helps them process the event as a minor speed bump rather than a catastrophic roadblock.
Students can benefit from learning that successful people actually fail more frequently than unsuccessful people. The difference is that successful people refuse to give up, and eventually stumble onto their achievements.
The ultimate superpower
In a world obsessed with highlight reels and effortless success, we have a responsibility to pull back the curtain for our students and show them the hundreds of awkward, clumsy, and embarrassing moments that precede mastery.
When we teach students to reframe the hot flash of embarrassment not as a signal to retreat, but as biological proof that they are expanding their boundaries, we give them a lifelong superpower. We equip them with the persistence to walk into unfamiliar rooms, tackle complex problems, and ultimately, design a life unconstrained by the fear of looking foolish.
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.