“I’ve got an open-door policy,” the general manager told our team as we talked with him about communication in his organization. “My people know they can come to me when they have something to say.”
My colleagues and I glanced at each other. Then one of us dared to ask the question we were all thinking: “When was the last time someone, other than your direct reports, came to you with a question or concern?”
The general manager sputtered a response. “It’s been a while.”
This was a good person with the best of intentions; he really did want any member of his team to come to him with concerns, problems or ideas. But the way he led made this difficult to do.
His impact was different than his intentions.
This happens more often than you’d think: we get in our own way. And unless a close friend or colleague has the courage to let us know, we may lack the self-awareness to identify the problem and fix it.
This has happened to me. I’ve told the story before about a crisis moment when a direct report had to tell me, “Your panic isn’t helping anyone.”
More recently, close colleagues helped me see that when I get tired, particularly after long weeks that require extroversion, I can find it difficult to remain as flexible and creative as my work demands. I thought I was hiding my exhaustion; I didn’t have the self-awareness to see the impact it was having on the team.
It’s a beautiful thing when trusted colleagues can gently help you see your impact and grow your self-awareness. Hopefully, you have people who know how to speak to you in the moment.
Let your colleagues know you want this awareness-building feedback by asking for it. Here are some questions that will expand your self-awareness — pick a few and ask them of a close colleague, direct reports or your upline.
Ask a colleague: Questions for growing your self-awareness
- When I’m under pressure, how do you experience me?
- What’s something I do — maybe without realizing — that impacts the team, positively or negatively?
- Are there ways I might unintentionally shut down ideas or voices in meetings?
- When do you see me at my best? What am I doing in those moments?
- When have you seen me get in my own way?
- How do I typically handle feedback or disagreement?
- What’s one thing you wish I did more — or less — of in our work together?
- How would you describe my leadership or communication style?
- What assumptions do you think I tend to make about people or situations?
- What’s one thing you’ve noticed about me that I might not be aware of?
- What are the most important skills or capabilities I should work on, to be a better leader for the future?
- What circumstances are most likely to bring out my inner critic or impostor syndrome? What should I know about those moments?
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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