Over the past few years, people have become increasingly distrustful of leaders. A study by Harvard Business Review discovered that people in the workplace do not have a list of attributes that describe an ideal leader. Instead, the most successful leaders drew upon their life experiences. By reframing their personal life stories, they tested themselves against real-world situations to understand who they were at their core. In doing so, they became better leaders.
The career we choose in our twenties often feels a little lifeless when we’re in our thirties. It’s common to enter a career because it’s lucrative and convenient, with little connection to what actually interests us. In short, it becomes a job. As the years go by, we begin feeling bored, insecure, stressed and even depressed. There is a discrepancy between our dreams and reality. We long for a better life, but how?
Leaders can significantly improve their lives by focusing on self-awareness, developing meaningful relationships and committing to a life of value and purpose. Here are three pieces of advice for leaders:
1. Accept who you are
The study of oneself is the most meaningful endeavor a leader can pursue because one’s guiding voice is ultimately internal. If leaders don’t understand themselves, they can’t develop self-control. Once we get a handle on what triggers our behavior, we are better able to choose our response rather than losing control, letting our emotions take over and reacting to outside events.
Self-awareness allows us to gain clarity about those triggers. We can see the steps that brought us to where we are today. More importantly, it helps us identify what we need to add or change as we navigate toward a place of higher meaning and purpose.
When we accept who we are, warts and all, we are on the road to authenticity. As an FBI undercover agent, my success came from being myself — it attracted people to me. I only ran into trouble when I didn’t take the time to be authentic. No matter what badge or name I slapped on, the game was up.
Since we live in a culture that celebrates superficiality, it’s hard to be authentic and accept who we are. People who are not authentic often wear masks to convey the image that we think others expect of us. We are surrounded by a “woke” society and a “cancel culture” that isn’t afraid to judge and dismiss us if we fail to live up to their idea of virtue signaling.
It puts leaders in a tough spot. There are times when we need to wear masks. The key is to understand why and when you wear it. But it is important not to confuse the mask with the person you are. If the mask you wear when you show up to work isn’t the real you, you’ve just admitted that the person you are isn’t good enough. You’re not okay, so you pretend to be something or someone else and seek refuge behind a disguise.
Authenticity requires the personal wisdom gained from an inner journey to uncover our honest feelings and emotions. It’s the idea that how we feel inside should match our actions and behavior on the outside. This can make us vulnerable; it can also make us incredibly courageous.
My tip: Take the time to observe yourself to understand when and why you wear a mask rather than show your authentic self. When you’re under pressure, what does your mask look like? Reflect on the types of masks you wear during the day. Why?
2. Strive for meaningful relationships
Human beings are hard-wired to connect with others. You’re not alone if you think that wealth and fame will give you a better life. Eighty percent of millennials surveyed indicated their life goal was to get rich. And 50% of them stated their second goal was to become famous.
A study conducted at Harvard University for almost 90 years, known as the Harvard Study of Adult Development, sought to answer this critical question: What keeps us healthy and happiest as we age? Starting in 1938, researchers tracked the lives of 724 men, and the core breakthrough was simple and poignant: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Life is not about money or fame; life is about relationships.
The study concludes that people who have meaningful relationships live longer and are happier. People can be lonely in a marriage, and some of the most desolate places in the world are smack in the middle of a crowd.
The Harvard study makes a big point about the quality of relationships, not just the quantity. All it takes is one person who truly understands who you are — the quality of your close relationship matters, not the number of friends.
My tip: Relationships take effort and suck up a lot of energy, but they need to be a priority. People who support you are an investment in your future because they are healthy for your mind, body and soul.
3. Seek meaning and purpose
As a leader, every moment of every day, you decide how to spend your time, what to pay attention to and where to direct your energy. In other words, what you value and consider important will absorb your time and attention. That’s because our values are extensions of who we are. Values define us. Our behavior and emotions become disconnected when not aligned with our values.
We can love ourselves; that is a valid value. But if you make yourself the highest value in your life, then you will never desire to make a sacrifice for anything. Life becomes purposeless, and we settle for pursuing the next big thing social media tells us will provide happiness. Pursuing fame and fortune will never fulfill us; those who do end up dying bitter, disillusioned older people.
We were created to value something above ourselves. We need a form of spirituality because we yearn for a moral code or cause that is more important than ourselves. Also, we need to value something above ourselves to make our lives feel purposeful and meaningful. No matter the religion or faith in which we were raised, our spirituality still comes through the filter of our life experience. The best we can do is own who we are and trust our experiences.
My tip: Don’t bypass the hard work needed to discover your life’s calling or imagine it will magically drop into your lap. It takes continual introspection and effort.
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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