Decency is having a moment.
Politicians and government officials – many of whom have made hay by doing the opposite – are calling for decency in how we speak about and treat one another.
In truth, decency – as a form of grace – has never been out of favor. “Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness,” said renowned cellist Pablo Casals. “If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what the world needs most.”
Enabling decency
Today, decency – as a measure of the respect for others — has been pushed aside by the torrent of anti-social media, where individuals can make names for themselves (not to mention income) by promoting rhetoric rooted in grievance. So how do we act on the better angels of our nature? Again, Pablo Casals. “It is not complicated, but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it.”
Courage – also a component of grace – gives us the strength to hold ourselves to values we hold dear – against the tide of indecency – the idea that one person is inferior to another and therefore not worthy of our attention. We know better. Yet as Samuel Johnson opined, “When once the forms of civility are violated. There remains little hope of return to kindness or decency.” Getting back to basic civility becomes a challenge when parties are wronged. The aggrieved retaliate, in turn provoking even greater levels of incivility.
How courage supports decency
And so to return to decency, we need to act with courage. We need to remember what Gandhi preached: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Senator Joseph McCarthy made it his calling to root out communists he claimed had infiltrated the government. What he lacked in facts, he made up for in screed and in the process ruined the lives of a great many honorable individuals.
One of his targets was George C. Marshall, the Army Chief of Staff during World War II and later serving as Secretary of State and still later Secretary of Defense during the Truman administration. McCarthy labeled him a tool of the Soviets and impugned his honor. Marshall, who had served his nation for a half-century, preferred to let his record as a soldier and statesman stand as his witness. So he did not engage, preferring to let McCarthy’s slander speak for itself.
In defense of decency
How Marshall responded is antithetical to our times, and while Marshall’s stoicism may seem outdated, his example is very much alive. Silence in the face of slime isolates the perpetrator by draining their vitriol. Their words ring hollow because there is no echo.
That said, when impugned, others can arise to your defense. Dwight Eisenhower, who had reported to Marshall during the War, came to Marshall’s defense, albeit belatedly – that is, after he had been elected president in 1952. In doing so, it buttressed the arguments against McCarthy’s tactics, eventually leading to his downfall at the Army McCarthy hearings, which were live on television, revealing the Senator’s utter lack of decency.
Act, not react!
So how can we stand up for decency in our own lives? Follow this mantra: Act, not react.
One, when you are disappointed by others’ actions, do not fly off the handle. Keep your cool.
Two, when you become irritated by the behavior of another, adopt the Abraham Lincoln-Harry Truman approach. Write a draft email to the person. Vent your spleen. Do not send. Read it the next day. Then delete it.
Three, when you see others wronged, exert your courage. Speak out on their behalf. Point out the virtues of those who have been wronged.
Four, avoid toxic social media. Delete messages that echo grievance and hate. Such messages are intended to play on your emotions, so disengage.
Keep trying
These steps are easy to itemize, but when the heat is on and you feel wronged, they can be hard to put into practice. Keep trying. Decency is having a moment. Our challenge is to keep it going.
And as a final thought, I love what Martha Ackmann said about Dolly Parton, the subject of her new biography. Speaking on NPR, the author said, “If I had to choose one word to describe Dolly Parton as a human being… not as a singer/songwriter, I would use the word decency. That hard-core decency. That respects other people and treats other people with compassion and openness.”
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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