Most of the FBI agents I worked alongside would never utter the phrase emotional intelligence, much less attribute their success to it. While they considered themselves mentally tough, they preferred words like awareness and alertness to describe the skills they carefully honed over the years.
So what is mental toughness? It is being alert and aware of our emotions, thoughts, and behavior so we can manage them in ways that set us up for success.
Learning how to push through difficult situations while maintaining peak performance requires the ability to predict our responses so we can land on our feet — an impossible task unless we possess both self-awareness and self-management, two core components of emotional intelligence.
Recent research points to emotional intelligence as being a critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. Smart leaders, entrepreneurs, and other professionals can be mentally tough by utilizing emotional intelligence to make better decisions and achieve positive results. Here is why:
1. You will know what fuels you. I am not talking about fluffy ideals or stuff that gives you the warm fuzzies. Training at the FBI Academy at Quantico is constructed to filter out those who do not feel deeply attached to upholding our federal judicial system.
To be mentally tough, you must know what you feel down deep in your bones. If you are not pursuing something that really holds value and meaning for you, you will not have what it takes to keep going when the going gets tough. If you are self-aware, you know how you go after the things in life that are hard-wired to give you a purpose.
2. You will have a plan B. And plan C. Most arrests do not go according to plan! In fact, every arrest op takes into account all that could go wrong so there is not only plan A, but C and sometimes D or more. If mental toughness is being able to manage your emotions, thoughts, and behavior, then you must be prepared for what is next. Being a reactionary is never a good strategy, so start planning different outcomes and different scenarios.
You will not be caught off guard if plan A is not successful. This will also help you learn how to think on the fly and respond when confronted with a crisis rather than simply reacting in ways that may not be in your best interest.
3. You will have self-control
In stressful situations we often say or do things we regret later.
Whether an FBI agent, leader, or entrepreneur, losing self-control can significant negative consequences. The best place to begin is by recognizing the emotions that surface in ordinary situations during your day. Now name those emotions with one word.
Now that you’ve practiced identifying emotions, try this when in a stressful situation:
- Identify the first emotion to surface.
- Stop for a moment.
- See your best self.
- Create a strategy to effectively deal with the situation and the negative emotion.
- Move on to the second emotion that arises, and so on.
Emotional intelligence is essential for your success because once you have self-control, you find ways to prevent derailment when confronted with obstacles and roadblocks. Self-control is the ability to step back, evaluate, and regroup so you can choose your response.
4. You will not let fear take over
Fear is often our first response because our limbic brain system is programmed to protect us when we confront the unknown. Since the caveman days, our brain has helped us to “get lunch” not “be lunch.”
The only ones who look forward to change are babies, and that’s because they know what to expect. Most of us are not comfortable with change and it’s natural to run from things that frighten us, but not everything that is new or different is a threat to our safety.
Fear of change is paralyzing; if you are emotionally intelligent you know that change is inevitable and you form a plan of action for each change that comes your way.
Now your turn. What has emotional intelligence taught you?
LaRae Quy was an FBI undercover and counterintelligence agent for 24 years. She exposed foreign spies and recruited them to work for the U.S. government. As an FBI agent, she developed the mental toughness to survive in environments of risk, uncertainty, and deception. LaRae is the author of “Secrets of a Strong Mind” and “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths.” If you’d like to find out if you are mentally tough, get her free 45-question Mental Toughness Assessment. Follow her on Twitter.
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