Mentoring can go wrong even when our intentions are good. We bring our own experiences as new teachers into the relationship: the advice that helped us, the mistakes we made, and the people who supported us along the way.
We also carry habits that may not serve new teachers as well as we think.
Most come from a good place. We want to help. We want to make things easier. We want new teachers to avoid some of the mistakes we made.
But sometimes the very things we do to help can keep us from hearing what a new teacher actually needs.
In the spirit of October, a few mentoring ghosts may be worth leaving behind.
Ghost #1: The ghost of information overload
Experienced teachers know a lot, and that is both a gift and a temptation.
We remember what we wish someone had told us, so we try to pass it all along. But new teachers are already juggling students, schedules, systems, curriculum, procedures, and expectations. In the first weeks, they often need answers, reassurance, and someone walking alongside them.
By October, the better question may be: What does this teacher actually need from me today?
A new teacher may ask one question, and before we know it, we have offered three strategies, two resources, and a story from our own experience.
All of it may be useful. But not all of it may be useful right now.
Sometimes mentoring is less about giving more and more about helping someone decide what matters most.
Mentor shift
Instead of:
Here are six things you need to know.
Try:
What feels most important for you to figure out right now?
Ghost #2: The ghost of Here’s what I would do
Experienced teachers naturally draw from experience. We know what has worked for us, what has failed, and what we would probably try next.
That experience is valuable. But it can also become the default.
A new teacher brings a different personality, different students, and a different classroom. What worked for us may not be the right fit for them or their students.
The goal of mentoring is not to help someone teach the way we teach. It is to help them become more confident in the teacher they are becoming.
So before saying, Here’s what I would do, we might ask:
What are you thinking about trying?
Then, if our experience could help, we can offer it as one possibility rather than the answer.
Mentor shift
Instead of:
Here’s what I would do.
Try:
Here are a couple of possibilities. Which one feels like the best fit for you and your students?
Ghost #3: The ghost of fixing
Mentors often step in because we care. We want to make things easier, save a new teacher some frustration, or keep a small problem from becoming a bigger one.
So we rewrite the parent email. We reorganize the lesson. We tell them exactly what to say to a student. We solve the problem before they really have a chance to wrestle with it.
Sometimes that is exactly the right thing to do.
But if we fix too much, too quickly, we can unintentionally take away an opportunity for the teacher to build confidence and learn how to handle the next situation on their own.
A problem may be solved for today, but the bigger goal is helping the teacher become more capable tomorrow.
Before stepping in, it may help to ask:
Does this teacher need me to solve this, think through it with them, or simply listen while they work it out?
Mentor shift
Instead of:
I’ll take care of it.
Try:
Do you want me to help you think this through, or would it be more helpful if I stepped in?
Ghost #4: The ghost of assuming silence means everything is fine
One of the easiest mistakes a mentor can make is assuming that if a new teacher is not asking for help, everything must be going well.
Sometimes it is.
But new teachers are still figuring out what is normal, what is worth asking about, and what they think they should already know. Some may hesitate to reach out because they don’t want to appear incapable or become “one more thing” on someone’s already-full plate.
That’s why the mentor’s check-in matters.
It doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes a quick, How are things really going this week? or What’s taking the most energy right now? is enough to open the door.
Good mentoring isn’t about looking for problems that aren’t there. It’s about making sure a new teacher doesn’t have to wait until something becomes a problem before reaching out.
Mentor shift
Instead of:
They haven’t asked for help, so they must be okay.
Try:
I haven’t heard much from them lately. It’s probably time for me to check in.
Ghost #5: The ghost of missing the question underneath the question
Sometimes a new teacher asks one question but is really trying to figure out something bigger.
Do you think this lesson is okay? may really mean, Am I doing this right?
Have you ever had a class like this? may mean, Is this normal?
How long did it take you to feel comfortable? may mean, Will I ever get there?
We don’t need to assume we know what someone is feeling. We just need to stay curious enough to ask one more question.
Tell me a little more about what’s making you ask that.
Sometimes that is enough to open the door to the conversation the teacher actually needs.
Mentor shift
Instead of:
Answering only the question that was asked.
Try:
Listening for what the teacher may really need help thinking through.
What will you leave behind?
Most of these mentoring ghosts started with good intentions. But helping a new teacher grow sometimes means resisting the urge to give more, fix more, or know more.
The question worth asking may be simple:
Is what I’m doing helping this teacher need me more, or helping them eventually need me less?
To put these ideas into practice, I created a Mentoring Tricks or Treats Guide with five simple shifts and conversation prompts, plus Mentoring Moves for the Moment for your next mentor check-in, as downloads.