Disrespect. Name-Calling. Blame. Bullying on social media. It’s called incivility, and according to The Society for Human Resources Management, incivility is on the rise, with more than 7 million acts of incivility happening in our daily lives.
According to the SHRM Civility Index, 50 % of US workers believe society is uncivil, and only 25 % believe their managers are effective at handling incivility. Workers who rate their workplace as uncivil are over three times more likely to be dissatisfied with their jobs. I noticed the rise of incivility during the COVID-19 pandemic, and it’s happening again in the United States because it’s an election year.
While leaders can’t change the world, they can create a workplace culture of respect and safety. Here are some immediate steps leaders can take to eliminate incivility in the workplace.
Step 1: Start with culture
Leaders set the tone for the culture, and when it comes to promoting civility, they look to the mission, vision and values. If, in the past, the mission, vision and values have been nice-to-have paragraphs on a webpage or a koozie cup holder, now is the time to understand what it means to embody the corporate values and evaluate performance based on the embodiment of core values. In other words, behavior should always be part of performance. When behavior is part of performance, it’s no longer acceptable to be both a bully and a high performer.
What to do: Look at any uncivil behavior, whether it’s sarcasm, blaming, gossiping or disrespect. Then, ask the question, how does this behavior align with our core values? Leaders must course-correct misaligned behavior. For example, disrespect, blame, name-calling and division don’t align with compassion, responsibility, customer service, integrity, accountability or any of the hundreds of words that promote company values.
Step 2: Work on the inner game
Most workshops and leadership training address what I call the “outer game.” We learn techniques, comebacks and communication skills but without addressing the underlying structures that contribute to incivility: the inner game. Leaders must cultivate a solid inner game.
The inner game is about self-awareness, emotional integrity, self-discipline and courage. Two essential qualities of those who have a solid inner game include self-regulation and respect. Leaders with a strong inner game aren’t easily distracted. They don’t take the bait on social media, and you won’t find them typing out an email in all caps when they’re angry. They don’t engage in tit-for-tat or verbal Ping Pong when a conversation loses direction. The inner game requires you to grow, and growing is often about “dying to the ego” so that you evolve as a higher version of yourself.
What to do: Make a list of the behaviors you want to change, and you’ll see where there’s a gap where you’re likely losing self-regulation, getting distracted and allowing behavior to be run by triggers. Increase self-awareness and set a new standard for your behavior. Get comfortable with inner conflict and take a long pause before reacting. Get coaching if you want to shorten the learning curve. In no time, you’ll start the rewiring process.
Step 3: See others differently
When we see others as our enemy, we justify incivility. Disliking someone leads to confirmation bias; then curiosity shuts down. (You believe you already know why they’re the way they are and why they see things the way they do, so your mind shuts down.) Observe how people talk about those with whom they disagree. You’ll hear labeling and closed-mindedness based on an identity instead of on the person.
What to do: Notice your narrative about other people who think differently than you. Do you secretly harbor resentment, label them as unenlightened, clueless, or stubborn? What we fail to recognize is that judging others never defines them but instead defines our character. When you find yourself labeling or judging, decide instead to be curious. Get to know the other person. Once you connect on a human level, you’ll no longer have an excuse to be uncivil. Set up the work environment so that people build connections and get to know each other.
Incivility is rooted in an “us versus them” mentality. As long as we see other human beings as our enemies, there will be incivility because the way we see others determines our behavior towards them. All the workshops, all the training and all the policy in the world won’t stop incivility. What stops incivility is not so much of the head but of the heart.
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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